PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
