I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
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