You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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