How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
