I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
