like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Use "feeling words"
Yay
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
