I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
now i know why i became what i already was.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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