Your face is a jimmy john
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
