I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
