i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
