FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
