i think my mom watched the whole time
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
