ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
