my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
it's like heaven, but drunker
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
