So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
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