she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
