whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
