Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I'm just crazy horny about you
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Randomize
