walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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