Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
