Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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