she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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