He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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