took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
