another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
