and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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