Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
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