The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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