My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Randomize
