Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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