I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
