also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
