K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
