I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
