I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
