Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
