this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
