You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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