my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
