Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
