Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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