well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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