She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
