you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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