I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
