People in love make me want to vomit
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
