You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
