I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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