Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
This baby is an asshole
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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