I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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