My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
