she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
